I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
