I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
