me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
