I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
