I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
