I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
