I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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