i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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