Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
