I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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