But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
