Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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