I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
