Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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