So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
