I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So many bounce houses so little time
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
