our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
