goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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