Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
