Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize