We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
