Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
