how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
