WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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