ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
