i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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