I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
