I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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