I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
