im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
