I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
