doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
