i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize