You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
