I am spending my child support on dildos
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
