Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
my poor anus
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
