we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
