I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
