Can Purell be used as lube?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
