R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
