when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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