I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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