Only a mothe r could love this liver
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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