Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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