Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
