Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize