i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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