Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
