I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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