i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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