you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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